Coffee, Tea or What the Hell?

Task 32, August 15 to August 22

By Paul C.

“For most people the sky is the limit. For flight attendants, it’s home.” Anon.

As noted in past posts on this substack, my career has had two, utterly distinctive halves: the first, in the world of television production, which demanded ability in certain skillsets that aren’t normally called upon in corporate America, i.e. wrangling hungover talent; and the other as an airline employee. My second career can also be divvied into two parts–I started as a Customer Service Rep at LAX, a position I loved, and later as a Flight Attendant, a role thrust upon me and the more challenging of the two, but as a flight attendant I have learned hard lessons about myself in general and air travel in particular, and as a public servant I am going to pass on these lessons.

Okay. To start with, a flight attendant must be:

–Willing to sleep anywhere but your own bed.

–Maintain an intolerable measure of tolerance when dealing with the public

–Have the ability to work in extremely tight quarters

–Understand how to de-escalate tricky, messy and sometimes borderline violent situations.

Let’s start at the beginning. In 2019, pre COVID, I turned 59 and had logged three years as an Customer Service at LAX.

It was also in 2019, after nearly 40 years of living in Los Angeles, my wife Louise and decided to move to Charleston, South Carolina.

I could transfer to work at CHS (Charleston Airport), BUT there weren’t any ground positions there, so either I applied to become a flight attendant, or I became a full time Huskie walker.

I never wanted to be a flight attendant, but I wanted to work, so I interviewed for the position. My lack of interest probably worked in my favor in a weird way– when I interviewed for the job and I was asked: “why do you want to be a flight attendant?” I promptly said “I don’t.” Which of course was met with laughter–I got the same response when I said “everyone else thinks I’d be great at it.”

Somehow it worked and I got the job.

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It’s a unique position. First, a flight crew of maybe 5 or 6 people–culled from a staffing pool of roughly 17,000 employees, and that means that on every flight you are meeting new crew members. Every flight. I do not know another job where you go to work everyday and don’t know who you are working with. Plus, add in 143-175 passengers–3 flights a day–times three days–do the math. Nevermind, I’ll do it for you. Every work week you fly helter skelter all over the country–and the world–in an aluminum tube at 39,000 feet in the air, carting roughly 1400 passengers who not only bring their carry-on bags, but emotional baggage too.

Passengers see flight attendants as wait staff, much like a restaurant. Au contraire! 99% of our focus is SAFETY. Servicing food and drink is the other 1%. I

This misunderstanding–the notion that flight attendants are in-flight maids/cooks/bartenders– has unfortunately led to a certain lack of respect from some travelers.

So let me clue you in:

I am a WISE OLD WHITE MAN, and these words play out in every flight. I’M WISE, because it takes wisdom to make split second decisions in an unpredictable environment. OLD because with years comes knowledge. I’m WHITE (no dah….). And a MAN… unfortunately, despite the industry’s meaningful attempts at diversity and inclusion, it’s still a man’s world in the sky. I’ve never been called “honey” in flight or had my ass pinched, but my female counterparts have, and you can imagine how hard it is for them to get the point across that they are in charge.

Besides food service, we have to deal with in-flight medical emergencies. Fortunately most aren’t serious, and can be dealt with by breathing into a sickness bag or a bag of ice on the back of the neck. Unfortunately, I’ve had to perform CPR with an AED twice and I lost both. Not normally in a day’s work except maybe working in a medical facility, but an airplane is a flying tin can without an E.R. and you have to do the best you can.

The job requires us to be judgmental. There, I said it. Trust me, for the first 59 years of life I was pretty easy going, and not one to judge, but after my airline experiences I have become critical of everyone I meet, near and far, English speaking and foreign too. Why? Because some people act like idiots when they aren’t tethered to the ground.

In closing, despite my bitching, I loved being a flight attendant, and I want you, the passenger, to know that. Sharing a flight with you is exciting and rewarding. I wouldn’t change anything…

Now, Please fasten you seat belt and STFU.