Diet-tribe

Task 36, September 13 to September 20

"I eat merely to put food out of my mind". N. F. Simpson

A couple of weeks ago the wife and I were at a friend's 60th birthday party at a local restaurant. It was well-attended--a portion of the main room was cordoned off--but it wasn't a raver or anything close to the drink-to-you-drop, BYOB, all there is to eat is chips and salsa and the salsa is discolored, kind of birthday parties we had when we were in our 20s; or even the drink-to-you-drop, BYOB but there's some Trader Joe gin and tequila with chips and TWO kinds of salsa, that we held in our 40s; no this birthday party was pretty sedate and after a bit my wife and I, along with several other couples, drifted into the main part of the restaurant and grabbed a table.

While we looked at the menu the conversation turned to food, and eventually, food acquisition and preparation, and as we went around the table I learned, much to my surprise, that it was the men, not the wives of the other couples who chose the meals, went to the grocery store and prepared the food (as it turned out, this wasn't the only responsibility that Mike, my podcast partner, assumes in his marriage--as he put it, succinctly: "Mary and I have clearly defined roles in our relationship: I do everything.")

Now, we both knew that it wasn't true, but he was bold enough to say it in front of her, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

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But I digress--it's not the division of food-related labor that got me thinking that night (in truth, my wife and I share the load--we make out the grocery list together and one or both of us cook, depending on circumstances) but I started thinking about WHAT I eat. And why...

Pre-kids we ate whatever (frankly I can't remember that far back, but I imagine whatever we ate was inexpensive and quick to make, like microwaved tomato soup, which I do remember specifically because I would ALWAYS dive into it without waiting for it to cool down and I'd scald the roof of my mouth and vow never to microwave tomato soup again.

Then, for the 20 odd years (cumulatively) that the kids were living with us, we made what we made and ate what we ate for their benefit and well-being--i.e. bland, boring and healthy, moderately portioned meals, excluding of course, the occasional McDs or the ultimate sin-food, KFC. (Is it finger lickin' good? Hell yeah.)

So one evening, after a dinner of turkey meat loaf, green beans and fingerling potatoes, (which by the way, we didn't have in Ohio when I was a kid--I suspect that farmers of that era thought: "who the hell is going to eat these tiny things...?) I decided to figure out exactly what I DID eat every week.

So I started a list. I wrote down everything I ingested in one week. Every breakfast, lunch and dinner item. Every jelly donut, every bean and cheese burrito, every Frito, chocolate chip waffle, lo-cal frozen meal and breaded pork chop. Everything.

At the end of the week I looked at the list and tried to make sense of it. It turns out that I like chicken. I eat it several times a week. I had roasted chicken, b-b-q wings and even some chicken nuggets. And chicken fried rice. What else did I have? A cheese burger, kernel corn, and pasta. Some salad with tomatoes, cucumber and ranch dressing. My wife and I shared a pizza and watched "Only Murders In The Building", and a meatball sandwich--which reminded me of a guy I knew back in the day who put French's yellow mustard on his meatball submarine sandwiches. I'd wince it but I couldn't turn away...

A week later I made another list and guess what? It was about the same. I eat the same stuff every week. I guess that's okay, but hell, it's BORING. I had to get out of my self-imposed food prison--I had to diversify...

So I did. I went to the grocery store with my wife and went down the aisles I consistently ignored. I even roamed the produce section, where I introduced myself to kale; I spurned the colas for juice, and I even read some of the labels--it's amazing--they list the nutrition facts! Who knew?. This week we had Beyond Meat meatballs with Raditori Premium Select Durum wheat pasta and beef short ribs with pea snaps and cauliflower mashed "potatoes" (another product that would have caused an Ohio farmer of the 60s head to explode). And we had a kale salad thank you very much.

TASK:

Make a list of everything that goes in your mouth during the week. Food--not your fingernails or Hendrick's gin--Food. At the end of the week post the list on the front of your refrigerator. Then, for the next week, DON'T EAT ANYTHING ON THAT LIST.

It won't kill you. Trust me.