Ear Up!

Task 37, September 20 to September 27

"No man ever listened himself out of a job". Calvin Coolidge

We men are bombastic creatures, not accustomed to listening to anyone, ESPECIALLY if the person we are expected to listen to is of the other sex, or a child of either sex, or anyone, frankly, who is too timid, or just well-mannered enough not to voice their opinion at the top of their lungs.

I know this to be a fact. Last month--sitting around a table, which was under a umbrella that was lined with a cooling water misting system that would (theoretically) prevent our skin from melting onto the patio, listening to Steely Dan and drinking a craft beer so dark and heavy that I was bloated after downing one bottle--I stopped talking but my three yammering friends droned on, without pause, about topics--like tariffs (or carburetors, pasta recipes, soccer, adjustable loans, or sex)--that they know nothing about. My reaction was to simply shake my head, and look over at the wives--who were ignoring us altogether.

And it's not just the steady stream of BS that was annoying—I realized that nobody was listening to anything anyone else said! And because we weren't listening, it isn't a conversation--it was a series of inane diatribes.

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Now, I'm no better. I'm not much of a listener. I have been known to stop talking during a conversation, but that isn't the same as listening. And sitting at that picnic table, full of beer that was brewed somewhere in the state of Washington, waiting for the peach cobbler, I decided that I had to learn to be a listener. Why bother? Because I realized that I wanted to have a conversation--what we were doing, and what most men do when they are sitting around talking, is simply boring and stupid and a waste of energy. You have to hear what someone else says. And it has to register, make an impression, resonate--whether you agree with what they are saying or not.

After much trial and error, I learned a few things about listening: here is what I have to share:

1. Look at the person who's talking to you. I had a tendency to look around when someone is talking to me, especially if there was a tv in the room, and if there was a football game on the television, I NEVER looked at the person who was talking.

2. Once you focus in on the person who's talking, then engage your brain.

3. IMPORTANT! Don't talk 'til the other person has stopped talking.

4. Then, before you talk, think about what you're going to say. And make sure what you say is directly related to what they said.

5. If you didn't understand what they said, ask them to repeat it. Don't pretend that you understand.

6. Then speak, then shut up and repeat.

TASK:

Once a day, every day this week, have a conversation with someone in which you make a determined effort to listen.