"From Sea To Shining Sea..."

Task 27, July 4 to July 11

"It's Fourth of July weekend, or, as I call it, Exploding Christmas." Stephen Colbert.

Here’s what I LOVE about the Fourth of July in America.

One: No work. (Caveat–at Spectrum, where I whiled away the last 7+ years of my career, they ran news most of the day, and news can’t be evergreen, it has to be fresh, so people had to work. Management was kind enough to bring in lunch for the techs and journalists who had to work, so it wasn’t terrible.)

Two: You can blow shit up. Regular dads, like myself–men who strived to be sensible, good fathers and neighbors–are permitted, once a year, to lay hands on explosives with exotic names like Peony, Chrysanthemum, Willow, Palm, Crossette, Horsetail, Ring, and Dahlia, M-80s, bottle rockets, etc. And our wives, who would ordinarily NEVER allow a husband or significant male other to be within a country mile of anything that could explode, allow us guys, WHILE IMBIBING ALCOHOL, to handle and ultimately ignite said widow-makers. There is a video on my podcast that I posted today of the mother of all fireworks fail–a group of well-intentioned but bone-headed guys light a bottle rocket that is intended to go skyward but zooms, instead, straight into a large cardboard box of yet-to-be-exploded ordnance that explodes in such fury that a car, two homes, and several animals are set on fire. You have to see it to believe it.

CHECK OUT OUR PODCAST, OLD PEOPLE THIS WEEK, ON YOUTUBE, APPLE AND SPOTIFY.

But I digress.

Three: You get to eat carnival food. We don’t deep fry much, but on the Fourth? Fried donut anyone? My old man would fire up the Weber at 10am and grill until he was too tipsy to continue, then one of my uncles (never an aunt) would take over–who was as hammered as my dad btw–but no one cared because EVERYONE had been day-drinking. Burgers, hot dogs, brats, coleslaw and potato salad, three bean salad, Hawaiian buns, grilled corn on the cob. Condiments galore and fresh tomatoes. Plus, baked beans, a green salad in a wood bowl and cookies with red, white and blue icing.

Four: You can watch a movie that you would never watch unless it was the 4th of July. For example, “Independence Day” with Will Smith. Or my favorite, “Team America: World Police”. Goofy but great. If you smoked a joint, or more than one joint, watch “Hamilton” on Disney Plus. It’s the only way you’ll understand the dialogue.

Five: You can break out a flag or two. I have a flag on my garage wall all year, but on or about the 4th I bring out the colors to display in the yard.

What I REALLY love about the 4th of July, however, is what it stands for. I’m not talking about the Declaration of Independence or the Revolutionary War, which are patriotic, but I mean the notion that I am a free man with my own opinion and I can express that opinion without fear of reprisal–oh, you can disagree with me, but you can’t shut me up.

Task:

Have a drink, eat a dog, blow something up and stand for what you believe in. Happy 4th!