Goodnight Sweet Prince

Task 22, May 30 to June 6

“Being a male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of choice”. Edwin Louis Cole

Mike and I co-host a podcast (with Paul, although he ditched us last week for a KYLIE MINOGUE concert! What? Who? How did that happen? That HAS to violate one of the inviolate rules of bro-dom—more on this in a moment…) and this past week we talked about a new TikTok trend (yes, I just wrote the words TikTok trend) that encourages men to call up their male friends before bed to tell them goodnight.

Yup. Men are encouraged to call up their friends before bed to tell them goodnight, and the internet is loving the heartfelt content. The majority of videos are filmed by a wife, fiancé or girlfriend.

Mike and I chortled our way through the segment, gleefully ripping the concept in general, and more specifically any Gen-X, Millennial, Gen-Z male who dared to ignore, with such reckless abandon, the most basic man rule: no heartfelt sentimentality unless the situation is absolutely dire. And by dire, I mean that it’s the ONLY OPTION.

It’s not your job, padawan, to be SWEET–the only reason to call a buddy before bed is to remind him to fill the flasks before the game, or to place a bet before noon, or to apologize for puking in the back seat–and even that is optional.

CHECK OUT OUR PODCAST, OLD PEOPLE THIS WEEK, ON YOUTUBE, APPLE AND SPOTIFY.

Even the guys on TikTok had trouble with the concept–most of the callers hemmed and hawed and awkwardly chuckled their way through the goodnights, and the recipients–well, most of them listened in stunned silence, then mumbled “good night”.

Mike and I quickly moved on other Gen-Z behaviors that appalled us, i.e. the ominous trend of teens chatting with ChatGPT like it’s a friend. ChatGPT is not your friend!

But later, I got to thinking about the nature of my relationships with my male friends. Our bonds are deep, born in adolescent awkwardness, nurtured in teen angst and enmeshed by shared experiences. That we love each other is unquestioned, but NEVER spoken of, just understood.

Some of you, reading this now, know of which I speak.

But I decided, in a weak moment, after drinking too much and watching the finale of “The Last of Us”, which rendered me into a confused state, I decided to call one of my oldest male friends and tell him goodnight.

And I didn’t play it safe. I have three or four friends who are tolerant and good natured, and thus likely just to listen to me politely, hang up and roll over and tell their wives, “that was Jeff. He was drunk”, and go back to sleep. But nooooo, I chose to call a friend who has no discernible sense of humor, got married in bib overalls and thinks “The View” is a television show about sightseeing.

So, at 11pm PST I called (let’s call him Fred), who lives in the central time zone, making it 1am.

He picked up after the 3d ring.

“Hey Fred!” After clearing this throat, he said, “Huh, who’s this?”

“Jeff”, I answered.

“Jeff who?” he asked impatiently.

“What do you mean, who? It’s Jeff!”

He groaned. “What’s up?”

“Well, I was just thinking about you–”

“What?”

“I was thinking about you.”

“Why?”

“Fred, listen. I just wanted to call to make sure everything’s good with you and to say goodnight.”

There was silence from Fred’s end.

“I mean, we don’t get to talk that much, and I wanted, you know, to reach out–”

“Are you fuckin’ with me?”

“No, no–”

“Then let me get some sleep, dumbass.”

He hung up. I put down my phone and sat back. I was sort of embarrassed, sort of disappointed, kind of pissed at myself, but I thought, what the hell. I tried something–it didn’t work, but shit–aww screw it I’m going to bed.

Then my phone rang, It was Fred. I gingerly put the phone to my ear, ready for a lambasting. Then Fred said:

“Goodnight to you too, asshole.

I smiled, punched the air, and hissed “yes!”

TASK:

Call a friend and say goodnight.