Marriage, by the numbers.

Task 27, July 18 to July 25

“My most brilliant achievement was persuading my wife to marry me” Winston Churchill

—Years married: 30

—Days married: 10,953 (including today)

—No. of days wife considered divorce: 10,900 (including today)

—No. of honeymoons: 1

—No. of honeymoons during which I

fell asleep drunk at 4pm: 1

—No. of trips to the emergency room: 2

—No. of trips to the emergency room

after attempting to leap a picket fence

while holding a chafing dish: 1

—No. of times I fell asleep in church: 275

—No. jabbed with elbow in church 275

—No. of times told to “shut up and get in

the car”: 12

—No. I wore feathered thong to bed: 2

—No. of times it had desired effect: 1

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—No. of times I attempted to cook steak on

the grill: 327

—No. of times I burnt said steaks: 66

—No. of times wife said, “she’s a ‘they’,

‘them’, not a ‘she’!” 6

—No. of times I forgot to say ‘they’,

‘them’: 6

—No. of times I spilled catsup on the couch

and blamed the kids: 7

—No. of times (pre-Waze) I refused to ask

for directions: 127

—No. of times we got lost: 126 (I lucked out once)

—No. of times wife said “remember we have

to get up early tomorrow”: 43

—No. of times I overslept: 25

—No. of times her mother told me to “shape

up”: Many

—No. of times I slept the couch: Many

—No. of times I slept the couch for

peeing in the pool while her mother

watched from the guest bedroom: 1

—No. of times I dented the car bumper and

blamed it on our oldest son: 3

—No. of times I wish I had shut up and

listened instead of talking: 5,280

—No. of times she saved me from making

an ass of myself: Too many to count

—No. of days I days I woke up in love: 10,953 (including today)

—No. of times she asked for divorce: 0 (counting today)

TASK: Count your blessings.