MY WAY...

Task 12, March 15 to March 22

"Regrets, I've had a few..." Frank Sinatra

I have three sons. One of them lives in the south, near Hilton Head to be specific, and he is knee-deep in work, and he has a live-in girlfriend so unless I fly to South Carolina for a visit, I don't get to see him much. And to be frank, I'm not much for traveling to that part of the country because of the palmetto bugs (referred to as "flying cockroaches" by the local residents), not to mention the crocs and armadillos and the heat that will suck the marrow out of your bones.

Anyhoo, he called me the other day and we got to talking about when he played Little League and about one game in particular in which he took off from first base, tripped on the second base bag and he was tagged out while sprawled on the ground. Now, it wasn't funny at the time but we can laugh about it now.

I remember the incident but there was much more to the story, at least from my point of view.

It was an afternoon game, at 4pm, and in order to make it to the field on time I had to leave work at 3:30, which wasn't really cool because there was an important meeting that I was supposed to be attending in the President of the network's office. If I was going to the game I would have to A) fake a stomach disorder; B) lie and say that my wife called with some sort of emergency at home (i.e. bees in the fireplace, burst water/sewer pipe, partial roof collapse...) or C), tell the President's assistant the truth and get out of there--quickly.

I chose B. Hard to fact-check...

The next day the CFO cornered me in the hallway, pointed at me and said "you can't be missing the (marketing/production/development/budget) meeting. It doesn't look good.

I bumbled through an explanation. I shouldn't have bumbled, because I had a whole day to perfect the lie: (it was the most incredible thing! A bee's nest in the fireplace--who would have thought it?) but I was always worried about my job--and wasn't my most pressing responsibility to keep the job? At all costs?

That being said, I knew I would slip out for the next game, or the next school Halloween party, or the next class trip. Why? Because of what Matt S. told me a year earlier. Matt S. sat in a cubic near my office. He was older than me. He wore cardigan sweaters and drank coffee all day. One afternoon he asked me about my family. I shrugged and gave him some generic bullshit, hoping that the conversation would end there, but he launched into a chapter and verse recital on his amazing wife, who was a nurse, and his violin-playing daughter and his son who was big into the Boy Scouts, etc., and after a few months of these conversations I opened up about my family and I at one point I said that I wished I could spend more time with my kids..

He grabbed my arm. He said, "oh, you might want to reconsider that...". I said "what do you mean?" He let go of my arm and said, slowly, "you'll never regret the things that you do; you'll only regret the things you don't do..." Then he sat back in his chair. I looked at him for a second, then said "thanks" and wandered off to another meeting.

It was awfully melodramatic but it did get me to start thinking about my choices, viv a vis my corporate title, which at the time was Senior Vice President, versus my other title, "Dad".

And I decided that Matt was right. About a week later my son said that basketball try-outs were on that Thursday at 3pm, right after school, and could I make it?

I was supposed to be at an internal pitch meeting that Thursday at 3pm, but I said "yeah, I'll be there". And I came up with some lame excuse and went to the try-out. My son hardly paid attention to me, but that's not the point, is it...

I started to go to a lot of games. And practices.

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TASK:

Actually, there are two tasks. 1) What are you ignoring in your life because of work? And 2) Pass along what Matt said to me about regret.