Next Year...
Task 50, December 27 to January 3, 2025
“May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s Resolutions”. Joey Adams
It’s that time of year, wait for it…New Year’s Resolutions! Every December—just after the Christmas haze has worn off, while still digesting several pounds of roast, regretting the copious amount of alcohol I imbibed and painfully reliving the temper tantrum I threw after my humiliating exit from Monopoly—I slink off to my office, fire up my computer and write down a list that begins: NEXT YEAR I WILL…
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The list is usually ten items long and I usually end up trying six, out-and-out failing four and forgetting the other two. My best year was 1987 when I actually fulfilled three of my resolutions (although one of them was a promise to eat salad every day, but I included potato/macaroni/three bean, which was an out and out cheat).
This year is no different. For the last several days of boozing, eating piles of Christmas cookies and roasted meats and gorging on spaghetti and sausage, cursing the dog, fighting with my sons over what Christmas movie to watch (I still don’t think that “Die Hard” is a holiday movie, but I lost—yippie kay-yay, mother—effer); I once again slunk to my office, cranked up the Apple and wrote down my list, and here it is.
1) Stop looking at the “monkey riding the dog” video on YouTube.
2) Purchase and take the “Men Over 50” vitamins.
3) Learn the difference between being bored and being hungry.
4) No more cold coffee.
5) Stop blaming the odd smells in the house on the dog.
6) Read the labels on can goods instead of pretending to read the labels on can goods.
7) Watch Hallmark “Countdown to Christmas” in July
8) Learn the “Thriller” dance.
9) Stop using “!” so much!
10) Only 2 Happy Hours per week.
Task:
Make your own list. Have fun—Happy New Year!