Some Enchanted Evening
Task 56, June 5 to June 12
“Getting you a date to prom is so hard that the hypothetic idea itself is used to cut diamonds.” John Green
Seven, eight years ago I’m sitting on the porch of my home in Los Angeles and my son, who was seventeen at the time, came out of the house, sat down beside me, rubbed his chin and said, “Dad?”
“No”, I replied, “you can’t use the car tonight.”
“I don’t need to use the car.”
“Good. What do you want?” (Okay, I was curt. Sue me. This was my fourth and youngest child. And by that point I had been a parent for 36 years, so by this point I was a mile past being cordial to teenagers).
“What does black tie mean? The principal made an announcement about the prom today and he said that it was ‘black tie’. I don’t know what that is.”
This was something that I could really sink my teeth into. “Of course you don’t know what black tie is. How could you? Your generation wears shorts to church.” He sighed. He knew he was in for a generational slap down and there wasn’t anything that he could do about it.
I cleared my throat and continued. “Black tie, my uncultured friend, means formal. You have to wear a tux or the equivalent.”
“Where do I get a tux?”
“At a tux shop. They take care of everything, from bow tie to shiny shoes.”
“Did you ever wear a tux to the prom?” he asked.
I smirked. “Of course. I don’t want to brag, but I looked like James Bond. BETTER than James Bond. My date swooned when she saw me.”
“Okay cool,” he said, “will you take me to the–”
“Nope”, I interrupted. “Your mother will take you.”
He just shook his head.
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“Who are you going to ask to the prom?”
“Mary Simpson.”
“Have you asked her yet?”
“You don’t just ask, dad. You have to do something clever.”
“Oh yeah? What’s your plan?”
“I’m going to spell out PROM? with pepperoni on a pizza and deliver it to her.”
I struggled to keep from laughing. “What happens if she says no?”
He shrugged. “I’ll eat the pizza”. With that he got up and walked into the house in search of his mother.
After he was out of sight I snuck into the house, went to the closet in my office, closed the door and pulled out an ancient photo album. Before I opened it I opened the closet door a crack and peeked out to make sure no one was around, then I shut the door again and opened the album.
Why the secrecy? This is why…
The truth of the matter was that my prom tux was a disaster. I wasn’t James Bond. I was more like Cousin Eddy from the “Vacation” movies. And yes, that’s a BROWN tux. And yes, my hair was cut ala Adolph Hitler, and yes, we are standing in front of a fake fountain. And my poor date, Sandy…can you imagine what went through her head when i showed up with that tux, those glasses and a corsage the size of a football?
To make matters worse, Sandy was sort of stuck with me. Why? Two weeks before that picture was taken I had NO plans to go to the prom. Why? Because I was above it? No–because I was way too shy to ask anyone to go with me. Then, one afternoon, the home-ec teacher, Nancy B., called me and seven other boys into her classroom. She looked at us and said evenly, “You’re going to the prom.” Wait—what???
It turned out that eight girls, our classmates, hadn’t been asked to the prom, so Nancy took it upon herself to right that wrong by cornering eight male losers who weren’t planning on going, and voila–now everyone had a date. And this was the late 60s, not 2026, where such strong arm tactics might lead to a lawsuit and a humiliating tik tok–back then you said yes and shut up.
I was given Sandy’s name and number and she was kind enough to agree to go with me.
It was a pleasant evening. Sandy and I danced (it’s a stretch to call what I was doing ‘dancing’. My mom tried to teach me but gave up when I nearly broke her toe); then we went to eat at the Swallows restaurant and I brought her home. No, I didn’t kiss her. I wasn’t afraid that she wouldn’t kiss me back–I was afraid that she WOULD–then what what would I do?
As I sat there on the floor of the closet and thought about that night, I wondered “why was I so timid about going to the prom in the first place?”
I don’t really know the answer. I just was…
Task: Seize the day…