The List

Task 14, April 4 to April 11

“Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are”. Wayne Dyer

Oh, I got a LOT of emails, texts and one angry rant about our last post on 52 TASKS. It was entitled R.E.S.P.E.C.T. In it I wrote about a chance encounter I had at a club one evening with Tim, an old friend of mine. This club had a live band and dancing was encouraged. I described the sort of semi-rigid social hierarchy that was semi-rigidly adhered to, based on (in order: 1) ability to dance; 2) appearance; 3) an utter lack of self-awareness). There was the “in crowd” that could actually dance; the “wannabes” who worked the edges of the dance floor, ready to flee to the bar if the band played anything by Prince (funk separates the lithe from the–as I was once called–”awkweird”); and finally the ineptitudes who were anchored to the bar, G&Ts in hand, hoping against hope that one of the in crowd would wave to them and ask for a drink.

Tim was a bar denizen. He wasn’t dressed like himself and the look on his face said, “please don’t notice the sweat rings on my shirt…” I was aghast, shook my head, relegated him to “loserville” and forgot about him. A couple of weeks later another friend told me that Tim was going through some rough times and I regretted that I had so harshly judged him.

Ok, on to the notes. Actually, forget the notes. They were mainly supportive (non-supportive opinions are generally ignored, although I will say to the person who called me a “miscreant”: I don’t know what that is, and I’m not going to look it up…); but the person who ranted at me in person, interrupting my glass of happy hour cabernet, made a good point. He/she pointed out that I not only made a poor judgement, but it was based on an even poorer knee jerk assessment. Meaning, I look at someone, and based on long held prejudices and/or mindset, I make snap decisions–judgements–about a person’s character…basically, I need to slow my roll.

CHECK OUT OUR PODCAST, OLD PEOPLE THIS WEEK, ON YOUTUBE, APPLE PODCASTS AND SPOTIFY.

Now, this person didn’t stop there. He/she told me that he/she had a system for making assessments, people-wise, and that he/she would write them down and I should list them on the next 52 Task post. I mumbled “sure”, hoping that they would drift off and I could order some calamari before happy hour ended, but no luck. He/she asked the bartender for a piece of paper and a pen, and he/she sidled over to a table and worked on the list for the next 20 minutes. I suspect the list came from some obscure source as he/she glanced regularly at their phone, but finally, he/she finished writing, got up and dramatically slid the paper in front of me, then leaned back and waited for me to read it.

I read the list and told him/her that I would print it verbatim, which had the desired effect: he/she straightened up, nodded to the bartender, and strolled out of the bar.

Here is the list as he/she wrote it, as promised. I don’t agree with (or even understand) some of the assessments, but here it is, please enjoy.

HERE IS WHAT TO LOOK FOR WHEN ASSESSING A PERSON, MR. JUDGMENT (their title):

messier the hair - wilder the spirit

deeper the eyes - older the soul

better the art - greater the pain

more smiles - happier hearts

louder the laughter - more they're at peace

laugh at trivial things - they've been hurt. over. and over

when they become softer than before - they're healing

constantly make you feel bad about yourself - they pretty much feel the same about themselves

often question your intelligence /call you dumb - they know you're wiser, more intelligent and smarter than them

frequent apologies - emotionally abused

less they talk - more they observe

silent and calm - dangerous

silent and calm. with a constant smile - can't even begin to explain their power

easily angered - bottled up emotions

cry at trivial things - really. really soft at heart

Again, I don’t agree with every point (in my opinion, the louder the laughter, the bigger the buffoon), but hey, that’s me.

TASK: Remember this: it’s easy to judge, more difficult to understand.