What's Done is Done...

Task 23, June 6 to June 13

“Well done is better than well said”. Ben Franklin

Earlier this week I began writing today’s post–it was going to be on the subject of REGRET–a topic that I have delved into many times quite possibly because I can’t come to terms with my own regrets, but the process was tortuous and I decided to take a break and go outside where I ran into my neighbor and told him, when he asked why I was angrily pacing in my driveway, that I was having some difficulty writing, and he said it’s probably “like pulling teeth”. And I said, loudly, “I don’t know what pulling teeth is like. I’ve never pulled a tooth”. But I have had teeth pulled, several in fact, all wisdom teeth, one extracted in a hellish fashion by a dentist who thought that a local anesthesia shot would be sufficient to the task, but it wasn’t–I had to watch him pry out the tooth with a small pair of pliers (why do we call a single plier a “pair”) and a tiny crowbar.

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So I said to my neighbor, “the phrase should be ‘like having a tooth pulled’”. He (Rick) didn’t say anything, he just backed away.

The next day, at the local resale store, where I like to loiter and look at old VHS machines and cds and obscure LPs by Lawrence Welk and Henry Mancini, a guy came over to me as I was scrutinizing a busted record player and he said, “what’s old is new again”, and I grimaced and said, “No dude. What’s old is old. It’s not new again”. And he said, I swear, “time will tell.” What? Time will tell what? I put down the record player and walked away.

I was on the alert for trite phrases. The kind you hear everyday but when you think about them–they make no sense. Unfortunately, my post on REGRET has to wait until next week, as I am going to list the tritest, stupidest phrases in the American vernacular.

“Can I pick your brain?” Ah, no.

“Let’s touch base”. I’m not touching anything with you.

“That’s water under the bridge”. No shit.

“By hook or by crook”. Don’t use either.

“Words fail me”. Then shut up.

“A bolt from the blue”. Just say you were surprised and leave it at that.

“Cut to the chase”. Then what?

“None the worse for wear”. Then don’t wear it.

“Needless to say”. Then don’t.

“As I was saying”. Not again, please.

“It’s a small world”. What world are you from? Because this one isn’t small.

Then, yesterday, at lunch, during a discussion about home mortgages and interest rates (a topic that men often lean into), my friend said, “...it’s not my first rodeo”. I said, “no shit. It’s not your first, second or fiftieth rodeo. I doubt that you’ve ever seen a rodeo, let alone participated in one”.

Stung, he countered with, “it’s just a saying”.

And the rest of the lunch proceeded in silence. Later, when I was lying on the couch, prepping for my afternoon nap, more inane phrases invaded my calm space, like “busy as a bee”, “in this day and age”, “sticks out like a sore thumb” (so put it in your pocket–no one wants to see that!) And “so sooner said than done”, “bury the hatchet,” (where exactly should I bury the hatchet, and why?)

And so on, until I blissfully fell asleep.

Anyway, you have TWO tasks:

Forgive me for this post; and

Watch what you’re saying, especially around me.