Youth Must Be Served!
Task 38, September 27 to October 4
YOUTH MUST BE SERVED!
"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it". Mark Twain
Mortality, I feel thy weight! Yesterday I learned that another high school classmates had passed on. His name was Phil, and he was a cop--but I don't hold that against him. Via con dios, my friend.
Age has a way of making us cranky, which is fine--but it can also make us intolerant, which isn't fine. Case in point: last Saturday my wife and I and two friends--Steve and Terri--went out to eat at a giant, kitschy meat-a-torium whimsically named the Jackalope Ranch. It's the kind of place where the Ultimate Jack and Cheese is served with a waiver that protects the restaurant's ownership if you collapse before you leave the restaurant. Once you leave, by the way, you're on your own.
It was not a pleasant experience. Our waitress (Luanna)resembled and held the demeanor of a particularly nasty nun I had in grade school, Sister Benedicta, who thought that "patience is a virtue" was for suckers and never--ever--spared the rod (in her case a ruler with metal edges) lest she spoiled the children in her care.
And it didn't help that Terri and I ordered salads, which Luanna took to mean that we were liberals (especially me because I didn't even have the cajones to order chicken with my salad), and though she forced herself to smile as she collected the menus, her eyes said, "you belong at a Soup Plantation, Pete Buttigieg..."
CHECK OUT OUR PODCAST, OLD PEOPLE THIS WEEK, ON YOUTUBE, SPOTIFY, AND APPLE PODCASTS
And to make matters worse, in the booth behind Steve and Terri were two women and five kids all under the age of eight, and the women must have not gotten the memo entitled "How to Keep Children Calm in Restaurants With iPads and other Devises" because these hellions were crawling all over each other in a mad frenzy and yelling indiscriminately. Every once in a while one of the women would reach across the table and slap one of the kids across the head, but mostly they (the women) were perfectly content with pouring $3.99 margaritas down their throats and generally acting as if they had no earthly idea who was responsible for the chaos.
It was annoying--not so much for my wife and I, who have witnessed our own children melt down in public (our older son, Jake, had a screaming hissy fit in an Acapulco Mexican Restaurant that still makes me shudder--and it occurred 17 year ago), but Steve and Terri never had children. Terri was incensed--she muttered under her breath a lot and turned around every once in a while to glare at the women--while Steve chose to express his frustration by talking loudly about an article that he read in Parade magazine that talked about restaurants and resorts that don't allow children.
Later, after we gobbled down our food and beat a hasty retreat, I thought about those kids, and I realized--I NEVER think about kids anymore, primarily because I spend all of my time around adults. I mean, there are no kids at the office, or at the gym, or the bar. I see them around, of course, but I don't interact with them. They've just faded into the background. Wallpaper. Someone else's problem. Short people who act funny. What do kids know about IRSs? Arthritis? About hangovers?
But ignoring children is a mistake. They are actually clever little bastards who have a remarkably innocent, but crafty, world-view. Common sense hasn't been pounded into them yet, and they enjoy life in a simple manner with out guilt and shame...and they can get away with babbling incoherently and totally losing themselves emotionally without worry of utter embarrassment.
TASK:
Your task is to talk to a child. Boy or girl. They have to be at least 5 and no older than 10. Sit down with them and ask them questions. Not general questions, either. You ask a child a general question and you'll get a general answer. A one-word answer probably. You have to ask questions that will make them think.
Try these:
1) Who is your favorite person in the world? And why?
2) If you could have any pet in the world, what would it be?
3) If you had a lot of money, what would you buy?
4) What makes you cry?
5) What does love mean?
6) Who is the nicest person in the world?
7) Is it better to be a child or an adult? And why?
If you have any more questions in this vein, try them out. Then write down their answers. Then write down your answers to the same questions, and compare them.